Does only = lonely?

E cannot have been more than a few weeks old before someone said to me, “when are you having the next one?” I’ve lost count of the number of times since that I’ve been asked, “are you having more?”

This is something that I feel really strongly about. And to be honest - I get a bit embarrassed when people ask me, because I feel like I have to explain myself when in fact it’s absolutely nobody else’s business but mine and K’s.

I suffer with PCOS and endometriosis so my chances of conceiving naturally were low, but we were lucky and it happened very quickly for us. But this isn’t to say that it would happen again.

Since having E I have suffered with Post Natal Anxiety, and I’m not sure if I can go through that again. K has also said he doesn’t know if he could watch me go through it again.

K and I talk about it a lot. We talk about how we love having siblings, and what they mean to us. But then we talk about all the things we would be able to afford to give E through this life if we chose not to have any more. I also worry how I could possibly love another child as much as I love E!

Often it’s a question people ask without thinking. A bit like the “how are they sleeping?” Or “are they good?” questions. People don’t mean anything by them. But they can make the mum feel awkward, uncomfortable and sometimes like they have to lie!

I remember reading something when E was much younger that “an only child is a lonely child.” I panicked. Was this true? Did we need to have more children immediately? No. To all of the above. One of my oldest friends is an only child. We met at 4 years old in the cloakroom at primary school - she was crying because she couldn’t find her peg, we helped her and we’ve been friends ever since! She was always surrounded by lots of friends and family, whilst benefitting from the attention of her parents all the time. So no. Only doesn’t necessarily mean lonely.

When people ask, my go to answer has become “not at the moment, but never say never.” People generally accept that. It covers all bases and means I don’t have to start telling my life story of potential fertility issues.

One thing is for sure, if E grows up as an only child, I’ll make damned sure he’s not a lonely child.