Insta -vs- Reality

Picture the scene. It’s 2:30am. E is three days old and he’s up for yet another feed. I’m delirious due to lack of sleep and I’m mindlessly scrolling through Instagram and Facebook. The algorithms got me. Within days of being home I had ads appearing for Sleep Coaches & Sleep Training, and my search section of Instagram was all to do with newborns, feeding, sleeping, swaddling, post-partum. You name it, it was there.

I genuinely believe that these posts contributed to my PND. All I could see as I scrolled was perfection. Other people living wonderful lives with sleeping, feeding, wind free newborns. My mind went in to over drive…

-Why isn’t E sleeping more than two hours?

-Why can’t he latch on properly?

-I have failed him by giving him formula.

-It’s my fault he’s got wind.

-Why is it only E that vomits after feeding?

-How are their lives still the same after having a baby?

-Why doesn’t E drink as much milk as that baby who is two days younger than him?

-E hasn’t pooped for two days - this post says there’s something really wrong.

Honestly. The over thinking and the catastrophising became unbearable.

Now. As a less sleep-deprived mum who is 14 months in to the game, I am slightly more able to ignore these posts. But don’t get me wrong. On bad days, they can still hit hard.

The posts that I see now aren’t about new borns. They’re about toddlers. Weaning. Solid foods. How I should have lost all my baby weight and be a skinny, healthy mum. How I should be able to do fifteen things at once, whilst carrying a child who refuses to walk.

A famous reality star recently gave birth and was seen on Instagram seven days later in a video wearing pure white pyjamas. Well. Each to their own and all that. But I’m sorry. There was no way that seven days post-partum I was even considering wearing anything white. All I thought when I saw that video was how unrealistic it was. I’d like to bet that after that three second video, she quickly got changed back in to her massive, black, cotton knickers and dark joggers. We all know white is a no-no after giving birth…!

But that video just confirmed the ridiculousness that is the world of social media. Nothing we see is real. Everything we see is a fake glimpse in to other people’s lives. A second. A snap shot. And yet, we buy it. We take it on board and we beat ourselves up because of it.

I quickly came to realise the effect these posts were having on me, and switched to listening to podcasts during the night feeds. Lockdown Parenting Hell, Shagged, Married, Annoyed and Secret World of Slimming Clubs. All hilarious. All light hearted. None anxiety inducing.

I’ve lost count of the number of reels that came on my feed promising me the secret to sleeping through, or the only way to wind your baby properly. It’s just crazy. No two babies are the same - so just because your baby sleeps best wrapped in bubble wrap and stood on their head, doesn’t mean mine will!

There is no guidebook to parenting. So social media should not be allowed to suggest that it has all of the answers. Because all this does is damages new mums and their mental health even more.

So next time you’re up doing a night feed, step away from the reels and the suggested posts. Pop on a podcast or an audiobook, and remind yourself what a cracking job you’re doing. You’ve got this - and you don’t need socials to tell you otherwise.