Mama, can you hear me?

The second they are born we wait with baited breath to hear that first cry - to tell us everything is ok. I remember E crying and then stopping, I worriedly asked “Erm, why has he stopped crying?” The response I got was, “Oh he’s just chilling, he’s fine!” Welcome to the world, son!

From that day it’s like we become attuned to that cry. No matter where we are, who we’re with or what we’re doing. The moment I hear a cry my heart skips a beat, it starts to race and I panic. All of this happens until I have assessed if it’s E I can hear, and what kind of cry it is. Is he hurt? Hungry? Tired?

I remember going for a shower when E was around 4 weeks old. He was fast asleep in his crib and about 5 feet away from me. All I heard the whole time I showered was crying. But the moment I switched the shower off and checked him, he was exactly where I’d left him - sound asleep in his crib. This happened A LOT. It still does some days!

I go to bed at night worried that his cry will wake us, meaning there is something wrong. Some nights I wake up thinking I can hear him, but when I check the monitor he’s fast asleep and there’s no way he could’ve been crying. Some nights I check the monitor multiple times, because I’m convinced I can hear him. 9 times out of 10, I am wrong.

Sometimes I can be sat working from home and think I hear him crying. I have to remind myself he’s at nursery so there’s no way it is him and there’s no need for me to respond!

It took me such a long time to get used to hearing the phantom cries, E is 16 months now, and it still catches me out some days/nights. It’s like I’m on a constant high alert to respond and react. It’s no wonder we’re always so tired.

As far as I can see/read/find - I’m not alone in hearing them. It’s seemingly quite common. I wonder when it stops…?